Myths and reality of sex education
“Where did I come from?” - about five years old, this question is asked by any child.
In response, something usually sounds very simple and short, like “mother’s tummy”, and the conversation is exhausted. Is there anything else a child may ask how my eldest son once asked:
“Why am I not dirty then?”
I was taken aback, but quickly found:
- You have been washed.
And he calmed down on this.
However, the so-called "sexual education" is being strongly promoted. And some people believe that the sooner their children know about this side of life, the better. And because they buy the appropriate allowances, after which, often, without waiting for further questions of sons or daughters, they rush to fill in quite natural gaps in their knowledge. They say some particularly “progressive” dads even watch erotic films with children. Say, let them get used! What's so special about it?
True, for many parents the enlightenment fuse quickly fades away, because something strange is beginning to happen to their child.
Sex lightening is harmful to health
“Oh no, that you! We removed these books in an instant, or after our reading there was no such thing with our Sasha (Vanya, Petya), ”in the past few years I and my fellow psychologists have heard something like that.
And indeed, many children talk "about it" have a disinhibiting effect. And to put it bluntly, it is very exciting.
However, this is not surprising, because one of the distinguishing features of our culture is heightened modesty (for a reason, shyness is called the national Russian trait!). Adult conversations with children about the physical side of love are strictly taboo.
Have you ever wondered why, for example, there is no normal, commonly used words for expressing physical love in such a richest language like Russian, in which almost any shades of feelings can be expressed, but only scientific terms or mat? Is it by chance?
Of course not. Language is not just a set of phrases and phrases. It reflects the religious ideas of the people, their philosophy, and cultural characteristics. And if even the language is so opposed to the conclusion of the hidden topic to the surface, it means that this is far from harmless.Rastabuirovanie, declassification of taboo topics leads to mental disorders. And for children, who by their very nature are closer to the origin, to the origins of culture, violation of cultural taboos (taboos) is doubly dangerous. The child's psyche is much more vulnerable, unstable adult. Protection mechanisms are not developed yet. It is very easy to injure a child, from the consequences of which he may suffer later in life.
Moreover, now many children are already highly excitable. Doctors say that this is a consequence of childbirth with stimulation, birth trauma, pathology of intrauterine development. In addition, the adverse effects of TV, computer games, an abundance of negative and frankly terrible impressions, from which parents can not fully protect their children, have an effect.
And with increased excitability, the child cannot concentrate for a long time; at school he has problems with studies and behavior. Such children often do not develop relationships with their peers: they become either brawlers or jesters who make fun of the whole class.
Why, for what more expose them to attack? Let's listen to the doctor of medical sciences S.V.Ustinova, who specifically studied the effect of sexual education on children's health. “A child overloaded with sexual information,” says Dr. Ustinova, “begins to complain about difficult falling asleep, intermittent deep sleep, headaches or heaviness in the head, discomfort in the heart area, rapid heartbeat, absent-mindedness, difficulty concentrating, etc. clinical examination shows respiratory arrhythmia, a tendency to tachycardia, in more severe cases, beats, distortion of the daily rhythm of the pulse and blood pressure.
At this stage, it is still possible to rectify the situation, but even then only in the absence of hereditary cardiovascular diseases in the child (the percentage of which has been steadily increasing in recent years). If in time not exclude the exciting information - not only sexual, but also containing elements of aggression, do not establish a daily regimen and do not monitor the proper nutrition of children, the diseases turn into a chronic stage. “Many adolescents after the educational program on sexual topics have serious cardiovascular diseases,” writes S. Ustinova (Workers Tribune, November 26, 1997).
Security function of shame
It is especially dangerous when the mother is engaged in the sexual enlightenment of the son, and the father is involved in the daughter.
Here is a very typical case. Eleven-year-old Katya behaved at home simply ugly: she rolled up tantrums, defiantly slept on the floor, refused to brush her hair, was rude in such a way that adults had “wilted ears” and fought. "Yes! One more thing ... - at the very end of the consultation, Mom recalled. “I don’t know, maybe it’s okay, of course ... In any case, my husband doesn’t see anything wrong here, but I’m still worried ... You see, Katyusha, right with a knife to his throat, demands that he wash her in the bath. He chases me away, and his name calls him. ”
- Maybe you once a little overdone with sexual enlightenment Katie? - I asked carefully.
And, as it turned out, hit the "top ten". They really overdid it. And it was Katya who enlightened Katyusha. He generally loved everything new and unusual.
Later it turned out that the matter had already gone quite far. The girl, under the pretext of playing a small child, strove to get into bed with her parents. And sometimes she even tried to pull off her pants from her father. Moreover, the mother perceived these antics as children's pranks (a little, however, belated in age),and my father never saw anything strange in such behavior! “Normal children's curiosity,” he said with a shrug. And I was in a hurry to satisfy him with another benefit in sexology.
And eight Levu were about to drive out of school for lack of control. Although the school was private, from the category of expensive, and an additional five hundred dollars a month, as you know, the director would not hurt. But the prestige of the institution was more expensive: after all, Leva did not just misbehave in class and was rude to teachers. (For example, he publicly asked a classmate, for some reason, got money from his briefcase: "What are you doing? Did you decide to take Maria Antonovna (that is, the teacher) off for the night?").
All this was unpleasant, but the authorities tolerated it. They finished another. Once Levu was caught with another boy, where they stood, running their hands to each other in his pants. Leva honestly admitted that he was the initiator of such an unusual pastime at school recess, because he "wanted." And he showed no shame, not even a hint of remorse. As if it was about something as ordinary as, say, eating a sandwich at the break.
The incident was somehow hushed up, but Levin’s mother was warned that another such episode would have to say goodbye to the school.After all, if other parents learn about the boy’s antics, who pay for their children’s education no less than Leva’s parents, the administration will have a hard time.
Frightened mother turned to a psychiatrist. The doctor prescribed a bunch of potent drugs to the child to calm him down, and at the same time he advised him to work in a psychological correction group. So Leva was with us. The boy was impressed with a heavy impression: strong disinhibition, some kind of wild, going off-scale self-will, absurd demonstrativeness, the complete absence of brakes ... If we didn’t know the doctor’s opinion, they would have decided: “Schizophrenic”. But the doctor thought that it would be premature to stick this label to Leva, and we had no reason to doubt his competence.
Therefore, we began to understand the psychological causes that could give rise to such deviant (or, as experts say, deviant) behavior. The boy had no traumas. Full family, caring mother. Well, a little spoiled son. But still not so much that he went racing! Where did such licentiousness and non-characteristic of his age fixing on the topic of sex come from? (Mother remembered that even before school, Leva chased girls in the courtyard and shouted: "I will rape you now."I also remembered other, equally juicy, details that she hadn’t paid due attention to in due time.) He’s not growing up at a woman’s walk, who is receiving new men every night. What is the matter?
- Tell me, and you did not try to sexually enlighten the boy when he was five or six years old? - we asked Levin mom. - You know, at this age, children usually ask some questions ...
- Of course, I tried! She perked up. - Now, let me remember ... Well, yes! He was just five years old, and a girlfriend had a child born. We visited a guest, and Leva asked: “They bought a baby in a toy store, right?” Well, I explained everything to him ... In general, of course, but scientifically: about cell fusion, and something else, exactly I do not remember ... He seems to be satisfied. Then he walked, walked, and again comes with a question. “And from where,” he says, “do these cells come from?” I told him further. I even drew something ... schematically, of course, but everything is clear. He again asks ... Then I felt that my knowledge was not enough, and bought an encyclopedia. You know, now they sell a lot of them: bright, colorful, with pictures for every age.We all studied with him, seemed to have removed the questions ... And then he again began to show interest ... Maybe he again something is not quite clear? Maybe you need to buy another book?
And if the child is interested?
But what to do if the child is interested, you ask. Is it really necessary to be silent or to transfer the conversation to another topic?
Sometimes, definitely necessary. Who ever said that children can and should be told EVERYTHING? Who knows what else they might be interested in? Boys 8-13 years old, for example, are very interested in the recipes for making explosives. But this does not mean that they should be enlightened in this direction - more expensive.
Children and adolescents are arranged in such a way that they are drawn to quickly test their knowledge in practice. Especially when it relates to the present, in their view, adult life. An expressive illustration of this feature of childhood and adolescence is an experiment that was conducted by doctors who were engaged in the prevention of smoking. One group of teenagers was told about the harm that nicotine could cause to the growing body, while the other was not.
Then they compared the results and it turned out that ... in the first group of smokers there was much more than in the second!
The same story with drug addiction: narcologists claim that the more you attract the attention of teenagers to this forbidden occupation - even with a minus sign! - the higher the likelihood that guys will fall into the "risk group". Especially love the thrill of demonstrative people. And now there are a lot of them in the young generation, because demonstrativeness is strongly encouraged by modern fashion and mass culture.
There is another, no less serious danger: early “clearing hormone” strikes the head, and this retards intellectual development. “The large-scale statistics of psychological studies conducted at school by Charlotte Bühler,” writes Western psychiatrist V. Frankl, “showed that serious sexual relationships of too young girls ... led to a pronounced narrowing of their common interests, to a limitation of their intellectual horizon” (“The man in search for meaning. "M., 1990).
However, in order to come to this conclusion, it was not at all necessary to conduct large-scale scientific experiments. Just look around. In almost every class there are girls who “have only boys on their minds”.How do they learn? What are their interests? Are they up to books, lessons, circles? I'm not talking about the fact that in the current unhealthy environment, when it is in the adolescent and youth environment there is a sharp increase in sexually transmitted diseases, attracting children to the topic of gender can turn into a real tragedy for the whole family.
Tatyana Shishova. "That the child was not difficult"